Dream Journal: Mall Goths

DS(1) which started off in my parents old house in Pennsylvania. A friend from middle school had come over to reconnect and go out to the mall after not seeing each other for over fifteen years (since high school). The house was exactly as I remembered it in the early 2000s, which oddly didn’t tip me off to the experience being a dream even though I know my parents moved out of that house long ago.

We, however, were grown up- well, as grown up as two 30 somethings planning to revisit their middle school hangout can be. As grown men do, we proceeded to riffle through my parents closet (which had all my old clothes from teenage years) and help each other decide what to wear. I picked out my all time favorite Skinny Puppy, long sleeve, large format screenprint of the remission album on the front, stylized SP logos running down the left sleeve, bootleg shirt that I got at the Jersey Shore. My friend decided to wear my other Skinny Puppy t-shirt with the graphics that were literally just a very thin dog, probably designed by someone in Korea who didn’t even know who Skinny Puppy was, and sold in Hot Topic.

Yeah, we were going to the mall wearing matching band apparel, because that’s what adult men do, right? I told him I wanted him to keep the shirt as a token of our friendship. “Are you sure, man?”

“Yeah, I haven’t worn that one since ninth grade and it looks better on you anyways… Now let’s go beat up some douchebag jocks!” I said and we both fist bumped (a somewhat ironic douche jock thing to do) and then headed to revisit our youth as mall goths. Don’t worry- we never were the violent types, and I want to assure any jocks reading this that this last line was said more tongue in cheek than with actual against your ilk.

Very quickly into our mall excursion, I had to take a dump really bad. After someone informed me there was a five dollar minimum to get a token to unlock the bathroom we headed outside. Shitting in public spaces was just the thing I needed to relive those simpler times. Unlucky for me, there were other mall goths all gathered around the spot where I was trying to squat. Never one to shy away from controversy around my peers, I proceeded to hold my cheeks open to best facilitate a clean toiletpaperless shit. Just when the poop was about to exit, a mall cop appeared to hassle us.

I managed to barely stop myself from shitting and then made a mad dash into the mall to frantically search for the best place to spend five dollars and a bathroom. I passed by a Hot Topic, realizing that truly there was nothing there worth buying (and besides that’s where like poser goths shop; I’m too cool for that now that I’m in my 30s). Some stupid maze of poorly placed kiosks got in my way and I found myself pushing through a sea of budget women’s fashion. A coworker from a more recent job was doing temp work at one of the kiosks and after we made eye contact said,”… no way. That’s not you, is it?” No time to explain, as the shit was creeping out my butt. I just kept running- more accurately walking really fast, as running would have made me shit my pants.

I found the bathrooms and decided to test luck by trying to access them without a pass token. For some reason there was a woman trying to get in the men’s room without a token in front of me. She yanked the handle with no avail. I tried anyways and miraculously the door opened. I then held the door for this stranger because I’m a gentleman and she probably needed to take a major dump as well. The dream ended with me picking the handicap stall for better leg room and then pulling my pants down. I woke up to the feeling like a turd was coming out of my butt, but when I raced to the bathroom I realized it was just a wedgy I given myself in my sleep.

Update: Contacted my brother and he relayed a message from a few months ago that I was too busy to register: apparently my friend from this dream tried sending me a link to his music and sent me his phone number. I will call him when I get a minute. A lot of people I need to call. I get so wrapped up in my own shit I forget to keep in touch with people who try to reach out. Whatever, we will all reconnect one day in this life or the next- better sooner than later.

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